Tag Archives: fear

What is the cost of Fear

Many people have goals (whether or not they call them goals), thing they want to achieve in their life for example relationships, work, family or business.

A huge proportion of those people will not achieve their goals for many reasons, maybe their situation changes, perhaps the goal is not right for them … or there are surmountable obstacles in the way that stop people in their tracks.

So why do people not achieve their goal if the obstacle can be overcome?  Well sometimes the goal is not right for them and they know it – or the fear of achieving their goal itself can be scary.

Whatever your fear it will be costing you something – whether it be physically or emotionally or financially.  What is it that you are in fear of right now that is holding you back?  Come up with at least 20 things that it is costing you and what are the hidden benefits of having the fear.

For example

  1. Losing a significant amount of weight and becoming more attractive to others can be scary for some people with low self esteem.
  2. Moving on after a relationship – starting to date again, worrying that the next relationship will end for similar reasons, e.g. cheating, violence, debts etc
  3. Working in a job that makes you unhappy – but worried to leave incase you don’t get another job – or fear of taking another job and it not working out.
  4. Business – setting up on your own and finding that you can’t get clients or sell your products

There are many situations where fear can hold us back but what can we do about it? Firstly acknowledge the fear then take action – books, coaching groups and 1:1 coaching are all great methods that can help you overcome your fears and help you move forward in life and in business.

My tips is:

  • Acknowledge the Fear – what exactly are you scared of
  • Rate it 1-10 (10 being really scary)
  • How ‘real’ is the fear?
  • Explore ways you can overcome the fear
  • Take Action
  • Celebrate you Success at overcoming your Fear.

As you overcome your fears you will find your confidence levels increase – so which of your fears will you work on first – and why?

There are some great books on overing coming fear and self doubt.  Susan Jeffers book ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’ is our Personal Development Book Club title this month  (If you are interested – contact us or book your place on Eventbrite)

We also run regular workshops to help you deal with ‘Fear and Self Doubt’ – see Eventbrite for the upcoming sessions.

Eventbrite link to all our sessions: http://www.eventbrite.co.uk/o/newcastle-performance-coaching-limited-6295082261

Our 1:1 coaching, workshops and talk sessions run from our office; West Fifteen, Wickham View, Newcastle upon Tyne NE15 6UN

OFF ROAD WITH YOUR WORK VEHICLE

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Overcoming Fear and Worry

If you ask most people why they have not achieved their goals or the level of success they desire, they will usually respond with some automatic excuse (negative belief) that is holding them back.  Underlying this excuse or negative belief is usually a fear or worry.  How many times have you attempted something new, only to stop before you ever got started because you were afraid of what others may think?  Or you don’t think you have the time or money or both?  Or because you believe are inexperienced or lack the knowledge to succeed?

Someone once defined F.E.A.R. as False Evidence Appearing Real, which means we have chosen to believe in something that is not really true.  But because it is our belief, it is our reality.  Worry is nothing more than a sustained fear caused by indecision. Sometimes we need to ask some tough questions to determine the cause of these worries or fears. Once the fear is identified, a simple formula can be used to overcome that fear.

Exercise

The first step is to clearly define what you are afraid of or worried about.  Write in down.  Put in on paper, ideally use a small writing book to keep all your notes/writing together.  Half of your worries and fears will be solved the instant you can define them clearly by putting them on paper.  What once seemed big in your mind will probably look small and insignificant on paper.

For the other half, you need to move on to step two.  Ask yourself, what is the worst possible thing that can happen if this fear or worry becomes true?  Make a list, yes, write it down on paper underneath your clearly defined worry.  Keep writing down everything that comes to mind until you have identified the worst possible outcome.  Do you realize that 90% of what we worry about never happens?  Think about how much time you spend on worrying about stuff that never will happen.  This list will help you see that.

Once you have completed your list, resolve in your mind that you will accept the worst possible thing that can happen.  Since 90% of those things will never occur and generally the other 10% will not kill you, realize you will survive.  Accept the worst possible thing by telling yourself, I can handle it, over and over again.  This will start to turn things around.

Finally, begin now to make sure the worst never happens.  Put together an action plan of exactly what you need to do to turn things around.  Focus on positive changes and implementing your action plan, your focus will shift to the positive outcomes and away from your fears. You will begin to feel better because now you can DO SOMETHING!  Positive action is the only cure for fear and worry.  Try this formula today and see if it will work for you.  It has worked for me.

Further Reading

The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale

The Promised Land: A Guide to Positive Thinking for Sufferers of Stress, Anxiety, and Depression by Dr. Rick Norris

Everyday Positive Thinking by Louise L. Hay

Positive Thinking: Everything You Have Always Known About Positive Thinking But Were Afraid to Put into Practice by Vera Peiffer

You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought: A Guide to Positive Thinking by John-Roger McWilliams and Peter McWilliams

Beyond Positive Thinking: A No-Nonsense Formula For Getting The Results You Want by Robert Anthony

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